An Autotelic New Year

Normally this time of year I’ve put together a short list of things I “resolve” to do in the coming year. I call them my “New Year’s resolve-to-do Things”. Of course, this lasts all of a week before I lose sight of my reasons for creating the list, and then comes the depression from the failure.

But maybe this year will be different. I’ve decided that, in order to be more creative and inspired, I need more angst in my life. Currently my life is far too easy and happy, and maybe a little failure and depression is just what I need to get back on track. So I thought I’d dig a little deeper for things I want to change.

Over the past year I have begun to notice a trend in the people I admire and enjoy. All of them are internally motivated, constantly seeking out and experimenting with new activities and ideas. Flow says that this trait derives from an “autotelic personality”. From the text:

The term “autotelic” derives from two Greek words, auto meaning self, and telos meaning goal. It refers to a self-contained activity, one that is done not with the expectation of some future benefit, but simply because the doing itself is the reward.

What I’ve realized about myself is that, perhaps due to my fascination with the evolution of people, ideas, and culture, I have become absolutely focused on the outcome of things, instead of the process. Another argument in Flow is that most people don’t truly enjoy things when they are concerned only with the outcome. The way to truly get the most out of the experience is to concentrate on learning the necessary skills, increasing the complexity, reducing distractions, and listening for feedback, and forgetting oneself.

The last point is perhaps the most important. Forgetting oneself in a situation that is designed to improve the self is an irreconcilable paradox. And as long as the point is improving myself, I can never actually do it. From Flow:

Paradoxically, a self-centered self cannot become more complex, because all the psychic energy at its disposal is invested in fulfilling its current goals, instead of learning about new ones.

So if I resolve to improve myself, I cannot do it. What then is left? Why, resolving to enjoy myself more! This too is non-trivial–it involves following all the steps above, and more. But it is sustainable, and scalable too. If it works, it will mean that I do many of the things I have resolved to do in the past as a side benefit: quit bad habits, be more loving, even be more successful.

And if not, well, then at least I’ll get that failure and depression…