I Want to be Your Neighbor

Once again, I saw a special on Fred Rogers (“Mr.” Rogers to most of us); once again I cried like a baby. Something about this man’s actions and mannerisms is so impressive and inspiring that it breaks down my jaded exterior.

What struck me this time, in fact, was that very contrast between Fred’s manner of speaking and that of myself and the other people interviewed on the show. He spoke so softly, without pretense or ego, that in comparison the everyday speech that the other interviewees used seemed terribly self-conscious and pompous. Their statements sounded entirely self-serving, and in fact every other word was “I” or “we” or “me”. In contrast, Fred almost never mentioned himself, choosing to speak about his coworkers, the show, and his family. For a show about him, you learned more about others.

And that is a natural outgrowth of his life’s philosophy: to show love to others through television. He spoke of television in words I’d never heard used for such a subject:

I believe that the space between the television screen and where the child sits is a sacred space…I got into television because I hated it so, and I thought … there’s some way of using this fabulous instrument to be of nurture to those who would watch and listen….The whole idea is to look into the television camera and present as much love as you possibly could to a person who might feel that he or she needs it.

The words others used to describe him were similar in their surprise (from a CNN interview):

Fred wrote every word of every show and he was also the executive producer, so he was a busy man. But he couldn’t have been more welcoming. Within minutes, after he genially but effectively interviewed me, I felt like I was a kid in the company of a kindly older relative.

That’s the very sentiment I felt watching the show: that somehow, even though he’s passed on, even though I was just watching him on TV, the show was about me. I felt loved, cared for, and special by watching a TV show–and that’s never happened before.

And then I realized that the mannerisms and actions I so admired were not an on-air character–they were the natural expressions of a love for people that derived from a life mission as a Presbyterian Minister “to serve children and their parents through television.”

Contrast this to the New Year’s mentality of self-improvement, or perhaps my friend’s plan to speak slowly to sound smarter, and we see the chicken and egg problem. Fortunately, it seems there are some things you cannot fake effectively, things like sincerity and love. You actually have to care for people for them to think you do.

Caring–the final frontier. The Experience Economy talks about caring in its final chapter on transformations. To affect something as life-changing as a personality transformation, you must care about the thing you are changing. Fred Rogers cared, and millions felt it.

p.s. The show itself is definitely worth the watch: Fred Rogers: America’s Favorite Neighbor, shown on PBS periodically. I’m trying to find the DVD online, but so far have no luck. Suggestions?